Czech you're spelling

No one said English spelling was easy. There are far too many so-called rules, and even more exceptions. Nun of them seam to make any cents. Whoops, that should be: none of them seem to make any sense. See what we mean?

---

Computer spell checking programs are a real benefit. The trouble is, they are no substitute for a real human brain. And relying on them too much means writing some of the gems below. Can you find the spelling blunders?

• After the merger, we will continue with our exiting policies.
  We hope they mean 'existing policies' – or will they just carry on firing people?
• Our office is closed for the summer while we lie on the bitch.
  We assume they mean the beach! Unless she's such a bitch they have to keep her quiet somehow.
• We will sue your company next month.
  Call the lawyer! Or did they mean 'use your company next month'?
• The software is available on a floppy dick.
  It's a good thing disks have been replaced by CDs and DVDs these days!
• Please call Costumer Service for help.
  Do we call them when we need new costumes?

And finally, if you do use a spell checker in English, remember to choose the right version – UK, US or whatever. Otherwise you might end up with a worthless 'cheque'!