I’ll learn you to write proper!

Everyone wants to write English that's accurate. And stylish. Don’t they? What if, every time you hit that wall of doubt, that edifice of confusion, you could use a simple check-list? And hammer your way through?

The list would be exhaustive. It would combine a twist of marketing with a subtle blend of media nous. Office workers would find it useful, Advertisers indispensible, and Poets - well it could save lives.

Without any further trumped-up marketing pizzazz, fluff or ado – as brevity is one of the keys to writing good, clear business English, as well as being a frontline tool for all forms of urgent communication – here it is: your one-stop solution for generating English prose of the highest caliber.

1. Always avoid absolutely all alliteration.

2. Why use a long word when a diminutive nomenclature will do?

3. Steer clear of ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

4. Parentheses (however relevant) aren't really  necessary.

5. Remember not to ever split your infinitives.

6. Words lifted from other languages are not kosher.

7. Try and be more or less specific.

8. One-word sentences? Delete.

9. The passive voice is to be avoided.

10. Even if a mixed metaphor flies, sink it.

11. Who needs rhetorical questions?

12. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

13. Check your work to see if you’ve any words out.

14. A preposition is a poor word to end a sentence with.

15. And don't begin a sentence with a conjunction.

16. Writing carefully, dangling participles are easy to avoid.

17. If any word doesn't belong at the end of a sentence, a linking verb doesn't.

18. Always pick on the right phrasal verb.

19. An adverb always follows a verb.

20. Last, but not least, avoid clichés like the plague. They're old hat.

21. And for goodness sake, don't overuse exclamation marks!!!!


To sum up, if you avoid applying all of the above rules, you’re probably on the right track.

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